A Swift Kick

Oh how I've been aching to feel the girls moving around.

I have a coworker who is about a week behind me in her pregnancy and she's been feeling her baby moving around for what seems like weeks now.  Sure, she's smaller than I am, but I've got two in there.

Anyhow...there were a few small gurgles of movement early last week, but nothing I could really pinpoint as being the girls.  And then Eric headed off to Toronto to work on a movie and more discernible tippy taps started.  It's as if they realized that their dad wasn't there and wanted to make sure I knew they knew.

You see, Eric tends to talk to my belly before bed every night and Wednesday night was the first night he wasn't here to do that.  I think they noticed.

And every day since I've been noticing more and more movement.  Tip tap here, tip tap there.  And then this morning while I was laying in bed with my hands on my belly -- kick!  One of the girls gave a good swift kick and actually moved my hand a bit.  :D

JOY!

It's made being a bit under the weather with a cold a little more bearable.  I've spent the better part of the day in bed and enjoying the tippy taps.

Now if only I had a Butterfinger...

Stress...

With Eric about to head off to Toronto to produce a movie, every day feels like another rush to get "everything" done.  Whether it be moving furniture around to convert the office into the nursery or cleaning out old files or trying to find space in the storage area for all the things we want/need to keep, but won't have room for in the house once the girls arrive -- it feels like a never ending battle.

Add to those things, the need to arrange for child care and, well, that pretty much meant that I would lose it and spend a good 30 minutes crying in bed Sunday afternoon (stupid hormones).

We looked into day care options.  Besides all charging a minimum of $300 per child per week, all have at least a one to three year waiting list which begs the question -- why offer day care service for infants at all? Plus, at that price, it just isn't affordable.  Of course, equally unaffordable would be for one of us to give up our job.

Local nanny agencies are just as expensive, if not more so with some quoting $500 - $1,000 per week depending on the age and number of children.  Egads!

How does anyone afford child care?

We've settled on getting a live in au pair.  We're using the agency my sister's family used which is far more affordable since their fees are on a per family, not per child, basis.  But even so, it's going to be extremely tight financially.

I had so hoped to be able to get money back into our savings which were severely dwindled due to the costs of the IVF attempts, but it looks like any savings I had hoped to achieve are already spent.

We're trying to figure out our financial plan for the immediate future, as well as plan for the girls' educations.  We've been meeting with an advisor at our bank and, while things seem doable, the costs of child care weren't factored into the mix.

It feels like two steps forward and one step back and it makes my brain hurt.

I'm already trying to figure out what we can do without.

Our cleaning lady?  We hired her back after the IVF was successful and I was allowed very limited activity.  And as nice as it is to come home to a clean house twice a week, she's history.  We'll keep her through the pregnancy since I don't have the energy that I used to, but once the girls are born...adios.

We're going to have to take a serious look at our budget and figure out where we can cut back.  We don't live a super extravagant lifestyle, but I'm sure there are some luxuries we can cut back on.  Going out to eat?  Yup...we'll be doing that less.  DirecTV?  I'm sure we can cut back on some of our programming.

I guess the moral of the story is priorities change and we're certainly ready for things to change.

Ah the Subconscious Mind

I'm sure anxiety laden dreams are to be expected from time to time, but the dream I woke from this morning took things to a whole new level.

I woke up crying and having a hard time catching my breath. Thankfully Eric decided to read in bed rather than brave the rain and head to the gym. I'm not sure I would have recovered as quickly had I been alone.

The dream started off fine, in fact, it had the potential to be a great sex dream (yeah, I've had a few lately). Eric and I were in a hotel room. Everything was white. White sheets, white carpeting, white furniture. I was even wearing a cute little white nightie. I left the bed and went into the bathroom. The tile in there was a gleaming white, almost as if it were glowing. And then I noticed it. Blood. So much blood. I was bleeding. I was losing the babies.

I started to cry in my dream and Eric was there as I started to wake up to put his arms around me and remind me it was only a dream. He put his hands on my belly and said that the girls were in there and they were staying out for a while yet. Of course, I said, "Girls, now would be a great time to move enough so I can feel you." They didn't comply with my request, but hours later, I've moved beyond the initial upset.

I'm not sure what had my subconscious worrying about the pregnancy, but given all we went through to get to this point, I don't think such a dream is so hard to understand.

Of course, it might also be the girls trying to tell me that scrambled eggs, a California roll with eel and then vanilla ice cream aren't what they'd like to eat before bed. I think tonight I'll go with a simple pasta just to be on the safe side.

16 Weeks

It's to be expected that my belly "baby bump" is noticeable at this point. The fact that it's more evident than those of my two coworkers who are also expecting is a bit nutty to me. I know, I know. I'm carrying twins. Still...it's a bit crazy -- especially since one woman is four weeks further along than me.

We had another check up today. The girls are growing nicely. Both are healthy. My OB is pleased to see that. Baby A appears to be on top of Baby B. In fact, as we looked at the ultrasound images, you could see Baby B's legs almost straddling Baby A's head, her litle legs moving all around as if trying to get some more room. At this rate the poor kid is going to come out bow-legged.

And again we heard their heartbeats. That sound still brings an indescribable joy to my heart.

Those are our girls.

I cannot wait to start feeling them move. I'm told it will likely be another three or four weeks, even with twins. Typically feeling movement before week 20 is something that only really happens if you've carried a baby before. Basically you know what it feels like so you are more readily able to notice it earlier on in subsequent pregnancies. Ah yes...even in utero these girls are teaching me about patience.

All in all, everything is going fine. My hips and back are a bit sore but I've started practicing prenatal yoga and that helps. If I could just figure out how to sleep more comfortably on my side I'd be home free. Lol. Ah well, five minutes after the girls are born the aches and pains will be forgotten.

And in two weeks we'll get to see the girls and hear their heartbeats again. Pure joy.

16 Weeks

It's to be expected that my belly "baby bump" is noticeable at this point. The fact that it's more evident than those of my two coworkers who are also expecting is a bit nutty to me. I know, I know. I'm carrying twins. Still...it's a bit crazy -- especially since one woman it four weeks further along than me.

We had another check up today. The girls are growing nicely. Both are healthy. My OB is pleased to see that. Baby A appears to be on top of Baby B. In fact, as we looked at the ultrasound images, you could see Baby B's legs almost straddling Baby A's head, her litle legs moving all around as if trying to get some more room. At this rate the poor kid is going to come out bow-legged.

And again we heard their heartbeats. That sound still brings an indescribable joy to my heart. Those are our girls.

I cannot wait to start feeling them move. I'm told it will likely be another three or four weeks, even with twins. Typically feeling movement before week 20 is something that only really happens if you've carried a baby before. Basically you know what it feels like so you are more readily able to notice it earlier on in subsequent pregnancies. Ah yes...even in utero these girls are teaching me about patience.

All in all, everything is going fine. My hips and back are a bit sore but I've started practicing prenatal yoga and that helps. If I could just figure out how to sleep more comfortably on my side I'd be home free. Lol.

Ah well, five minutes after the girls are born the aches and pains will be forgotten.

And in two weeks we'll get to see the girls and hear their heartbeats again. Pure joy.

Happiness, Joy and Exhaustion

2011 is going to be a big year.  Big changes are in store for us, our family, our lifestyle.  These are big changes we are very much looking forward to.

On Monday we were at the OB for the nuchal fold measurements.  This is a measurement of the space at the back of the neck which, along with blood work, determine the risk of Down Syndrome in a fetus.  At 37 (and then only days away from 38), the baseline risk was 1 in 150 or so.  Still less than 1%, but something to be mindful of.  Just before starting the doctor explained that it could take anywhere from 30 seconds to 30 minutes to take the measurements -- it all depends on whether the girls are in profile or not.

Needless to say, both were facing us and it took a few minutes (maybe five total) to get them each to turn and stay in profile long enough to take the measurements.  Baby Girl A took the most coaxing which included moving of the ultrasound wand and the occasional jostling of my abdomen.  I barely felt the movement, but on the ultrasound monitor it looked like they were being bounced around a lot.  I don't think Eric like that very much (he's already the protective father).  Baby Girl B turned with a slight tap to my belly and stayed put nicely at which point the doctor proclaimed that she would be going to Harvard.

The measurements were called into the lab that processed the blood work and we learned that our risk went from 1 in 150 to 1 in 1,300.  We were thrilled to hear it and, based on those results, have decided to not do an amnio, a decision with which the doctor concurred.

Such great news to start the second trimester!  Top that off with the nausea being pretty much in my past and my energy level starting to come back, I'd say we were off to a great year.

On Wednesday I turned 38.  I had a great day.  I got so many phone calls, Facebook posts and hugs from my coworkers I was over the moon.

Around 3:30pm I started feeling really tired.  I probably should have shut my office door and taken a nap, but I had a meeting and figured I would be able to leave work a little early to nap at home before Eric took me out for my birthday dinner.  Alas, the meeting ran a hour longer than it was supposed to, so I was unable to nap.

By the time we got to dinner, I was feeling pretty run down, but I was really excited to try this restaurant.  Firenze Osteria in Studio City.  It's owned by Top Chef's Fabio.  Every I know who has eaten there has loved it.  We walked in and I was immediately hit with a wall of aromas.  They have an open kitchen and all those smells were permeating the air in the restaurant.

I thought I would be okay, but we were seated no more than five or ten minutes before I completely decompensated.  Tears started running down my cheeks and we decided to go home.  I went outside to get some cool, fresh air and Eric settled the check for the Pelligrino I was drinking and the martini that he ordered (even though it hadn't arrived).  (Incidentally, they told Eric to leave and take care of me and not worry about the check.  Very nice of them as they certainly could have asked him to pay for the drinks.)

Eric came out, retrieved the car from the valet and we headed home where I promptly put on my pajamas and laid on the couch with the dogs.  Eric ended up running out and picked up McDonald's for dinner.  We don't eat there very often, but sometimes when you're feeling completely run down, you just need a Happy Meal.  We started watching the new "Karate Kid" movie (Jaden Smith is great) and went to bed without finishing it.

As I get ready for bed, I prepared to give myself my Lovenox injection.  I couldn't do it.  I just couldn't get the needle to go into my skin.  I ended up collapsing hysterical on the bathroom floor.  Eric came over and took the syringe from me and placed it next to the sink and then he sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me and just told me it would be okay.  It took a couple more tries, but I did manage to get the injection done.

Thursday morning I was feeling awful.  I was exhausted and completely emotionally worn out from the night before.  I felt like I had ruined my own birthday plans.  To top it off, I was feeling a bit sick from all the crying and, quite frankly, snot I'm sure I swallowed in my sleep.  I ended up going to work for a half day and spent the afternoon asleep on the couch.

I liken the experience to a child who is overstimulated and can't fall asleep who then ends up unable to stop crying.  I know my energy isn't what it used to be, but it never occurred to me that spending time socializing with people would knock me for such a loop.

One of the attorneys I work with reminded me today "You're living for three.  You need to take it easy because it takes a lot out of you."

Today is a much better day.  Work has been quiet so I've been able to get caught up on things and I'm probably going to leave a little early so I can be sure that I'm back to 100%. 

One things I've learned -- it's time to really start listening to my body.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Our OB appointment the other day went great.  The bleed appears to have finally resolved itself which is fantastic news!  I still need to talk to the doctor about whether I need to continue on the Lovenox as well as whether or not I can stay exercising again, but I'll do that when we go back in January for the nuchal fold measurements.

I'm so amazed at the technology that's available now.  My mom never had an ultrasound when she was pregnant with my sister or me and not only do I have pictures of the girls' development starting with their day 5 embryo images, but now I have ultrasound images which are so detailed due to 3D technology.  Just AMAZING!

What was even better was watching their spontaneous movements via ultrasound.  I swear they were dancing in there.  I can't feel anything yet, but it was so great to see.  I couldn't help but laugh at their little arms moving around and my laughter caused them to move around even more.  Clearly they like it when mom laughs.

Anyhow, below are their week 11 and 1 day pictures.  The four on the left are "Speck" and the two on the right are "Eire."  That's right.  We're calling them "Speck und Eire" while in utero.  It's German for "Bacon and Eggs."  I know...we're weird.  :)

Happy Holidays!!!