I'm sure anxiety laden dreams are to be expected from time to time, but the dream I woke from this morning took things to a whole new level.
I woke up crying and having a hard time catching my breath. Thankfully Eric decided to read in bed rather than brave the rain and head to the gym. I'm not sure I would have recovered as quickly had I been alone.
The dream started off fine, in fact, it had the potential to be a great sex dream (yeah, I've had a few lately). Eric and I were in a hotel room. Everything was white. White sheets, white carpeting, white furniture. I was even wearing a cute little white nightie. I left the bed and went into the bathroom. The tile in there was a gleaming white, almost as if it were glowing. And then I noticed it. Blood. So much blood. I was bleeding. I was losing the babies.
I started to cry in my dream and Eric was there as I started to wake up to put his arms around me and remind me it was only a dream. He put his hands on my belly and said that the girls were in there and they were staying out for a while yet. Of course, I said, "Girls, now would be a great time to move enough so I can feel you." They didn't comply with my request, but hours later, I've moved beyond the initial upset.
I'm not sure what had my subconscious worrying about the pregnancy, but given all we went through to get to this point, I don't think such a dream is so hard to understand.
Of course, it might also be the girls trying to tell me that scrambled eggs, a California roll with eel and then vanilla ice cream aren't what they'd like to eat before bed. I think tonight I'll go with a simple pasta just to be on the safe side.
