Pondering

I feel an incredible need to be more focused. Things are getting more and more hectic at every turn and I can't help but think if I could just focus things would be different, better.


I feel so disorganized as of late.  I'm sure part of it is the clutter -- at home and at work.


There are piles of filing in my office that I don't ever seem to have the time to address.  I managed to get everything sorted a while back and now those piles are languishing in file sorters.  They mock me on a daily basis and yet I have no time to get the papers properly filed away.  And, given how packed those accordion files are, I cannot add anything else to them and new files are beginning to grow along the edge of this little room.


At home it's the never ending battle of trying to get things put away.  We've begun throwing things out.  No longer am I holding onto every last thing with the thought that I might one day need it.  Nope.  Things that are broken and have no honest hope of repair -- trash.  Things that are superfluous -- trash.  Things that I just don't like, but have kept because they were a gift -- trash.


But it's not enough.  The clutter is a strange mythological creature.  You cut off one limb, it grows two more in its place.  One area is cleaned and suddenly two others seem exponentially messier.  We start one project only to have it not get completed and have no time available to change this fact.  


Our dog run remains only 20% completed.  Two panels installed with 6 more and a gate to go.  I have no idea when this will change.  It needs to get finished soon.  My garden beds are in upheaval as a result and I'm buying my tomato plants in a little over one week and every time I step outside I'm reminded of the incomplete job.  The hated project that we probably shouldn't have undertaken -- once again biting off more than we could possibly chew, despite the help of friends.  I actually tried to throw money at the project to make it go away (e.g., I offered the job to our gardener, but he's too busy to take on the extra work...damn).  So, in our desire to have a nice lawn for Morgen to play upon, we've created a massive eyesore.


And it's not something I can tackle on my own, so I really should move onto more manageable projects, but I fear that I'll once again start something which I cannot finish and there will be another area of our home which I dread.


Sigh...


In our attempts to make our home a more ideal place to live and raise our child, it's only getting more chaotic and disheveled.


I suppose no good deed goes unpunished.