Gratitude

I am a fortunate woman.  I have a wonderful husband, two slightly insane dogs, a home, a car, a career.  We have an amazingly supportive family and a phenomenal group of friends.

We were at Eric's boss's last night for Thanksgiving dinner.  One of the other guests asked us all to say what we were thankful for.  Everyone has very lovely and heart felt things to say.  Eric said so many lovely things about me during his turn and I immediately followed it up with a bit of a joke saying, "I'm thankful that I handled all the hormone shots well and didn't drive Eric away during this process."

What can I say?  I felt really self-conscious.  I didn't really know anyone there except Eric.  I've broken bread with a few of them on other occasions, but I don't feel all that comfortable around them.  Certainly not enough to be that open or vulnerable.  And after how loving and thoughtful Eric had just been in my direction, I was at a bit of a loss for words.

Tonight we're having dinner at one of my friend's homes.  Who knows if the situation will repeat itself and, if it does, who knows if I'll behave any differently.

All that said, I'm so very grateful for all that I have and all that is to come.  There are lots of changes coming and endless uncertainty in our future.  There are two little lives to care for coming next year and I'm already making their well being my number one priority.

The ultrasound the other day showed them again.  Growing nicely with good strong heartbeats.  The only thing of some concern is a small around of blood next to one of the gestational sacs.  It had been there the previous week and has about doubled in size.  Still, it's very small and the doctor doesn't want us to worry about it.  So, I'm taking it easy.  Napping and taking things slow and willing my body to stop the bleed and reabsorb the fluid.  Depending on how it looks next week, I might be sent to see a high risk OB to discuss what to do next.  I would really rather not have to do that, so hopefully my body will listen and correct itself.

Worrying about it certainly won't help.  So instead I will continue to be grateful and appreciate all the wonderful people in my life and look forward to meeting two more very important people next summer.