Mothering is not a competition.
I feel the need to state this in a clear, concise manner. I know this to be the case. We all, as mothers, as parents, do what we feel is best for our respective children.
And yet I feel like my mothering is being co-opted by another first time mom. It’s silly really, but I have to mention this.
This other mom and I were speaking the other day. She asked if Morgen was eating solid foods yet. I said she was and told her a few of Miss M’s favorites. I also admitted that she hasn’t had more variety since I’m making her food and haven’t been able to set aside more time to prep more types of food.
This other mom proceeds to call me “Super Mom” and say sheepishly that she’s buying an organic baby food for her little one. I say that’s totally fine. We all only have so many hours in the day.
So, later that evening she posts a picture on Facebook of the baby food she made with the caption “Success! Guess who's trying squash for the 1st time tomorrow? My how life has changed...I spend my friday nights making babyfood now.” I’m glad she received so many “likes” and comments of “ur a good mommy” (I also like how it sounds like this is what she has been doing with her Friday nights for months now).
Should I care? Not at all, but I can’t help but feel like she felt one-upped by me so now she’s making her son’s baby food. You have to understand, it was this way during our pregnancies and after the kids were born. She has actually made a few comments since Sonne’s passing that were really thoughtless and suggested that being a mom of one is harder than I realize since I had twins. Yes…she basically suggested that if I only ever had Morgen, I would think she was difficult. (And Morgen is a VERY easy baby, although compared to Sonne she is a needy kiddo.)
Perhaps I’m misreading her photo post. Perhaps I inspired her. After all, by her own admission, I’m “Super Mom”! I’ve survived the death of one of my girls and am carrying on to care for the other. I’m following through with those things we decided we wanted to do for our children when I was carrying them. I must be that fantastic! (Yes…I type that with every ounce of sarcasm my fingertips can elicit.)
We are still cloth diapering our daughter. Most people scoffed at that thought – “Let’s see how long you keep that up – especially with twins.” We are making her baby food using a steamer and a blender – “You really need one of those baby food makers if you’re going to make enough food for two.”
Mind you, there are days when I cannot even imagine the having energy to care for twins. Days when I am exhausted from work and an evening of little sleep and I have no choice but to do it all again because Eric is on location. Those days when I’m just running on empty. Those days when taking care of Morgen feels like more than I can handle. I have no idea how single moms handle it all day after day. I commend them.
And yet, had Sonne survived her surgery, I wouldn’t know any better. I would be happily exhausted. I would be cloth diapering my girls and making even more baby food on the weekends to fuel their ever growing little bodies and minds.
Had Sonne survived, perhaps I would accept the moniker of “Super Mom.”
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