A Numbers Game

Today isn't my best day.  I just have to accept that. 

On the one hand, I had a great weekend celebrating my 39th birthday with my mom and sister.  They flew in to surprise me which was wonderful.  On the other hand, as I tried to fall back to sleep after they left at 5:30 this morning, I felt so lonely. 

I miss Eric.  He'll be home in two weeks.  That time will pass quickly.

I miss Sonne.  I can't bring her back.  I so miss the challenge of taking care of both her and Morgen.  It's gotten to a point now that I cannot really comprehend what having twins would be like now.  That makes me sad.  Just having the one baby is the new normal.  It's has its own challenges, but it isn't the same.  And while Morgen is amazing and taking care of her is so fulfilling, there is still this emptiness.

Something is missing.

I'm trying to stay focused on positive things.  It's hard when I hear so many complaining.

I didn't do well this weekend with not eating refined sugars.  So, my resolve to not eat any for one month has an extra week tacked on for good measure. 

On the upside, I'm making good progress in physical therapy.  The strength in my ankle is almost back to 100% (only a slight weakness through the big toe flexion) and the range of motion is markedly improved, although there is still a ways to go.  Four more weeks of PT recommended.

I need to figure out my budget better.  My expenses were way higher than I planned due to the NICU bills (some of which are still coming in).  I need to figure out how to pay those and how to get money back into savings.

I need to figure out how to take better care of myself so these funks don't throw me for such a curve.  Maybe I just need a good night sleep tonight and all will be right as rain tomorrow.

Hopefully I'll be able to get back to the gym regularly once Eric gets back to town.  I need those couple of hours each week to decompress, focus, and re-energize.

Sigh....I wish I knew what came next so I could get prepared and not feel like everything that's currently bringing me down will be compounded.