The Waiting Game

We've all played it.  Whether it be waiting for something to end (the work day, the traffic jam, a particularly bad movie that your friends are enjoying) or for something to arrive (Christmas morning, your wedding day, a phone call, a promotion), we're all felt the anticipation (or dread) and all played games to help pass the time.

Lately I've been realizing how much this IVF process is a waiting game and it gets played every couple of days.  Injections, blood work, ultrasound and wait for a phone call. 

Everything looks good, more injections, blood work, another ultrasound and wait for a phone call.

New instructions, more injections, blood work, another ultrasound and wait for a phone call.

Another set of new instructions, more injections and tomorrow will bring about more blood work, another ultrasound and another wait.

I keep waiting for the cycle to be cancelled.  Today, as I sit somewhat uncomfortably thanks to the growing follicles, I'm already waiting for the call tomorrow afternoon.  Will we continue with the current FSH dosage?  Will it be reduced?  Increased?  Cancelled?

I need to distract myself, but I was reminded last night that I'm almost out of syringes and will need to get more.  Do I need to get those at the pharmacy or would the clinic be able to give me a few to use through the end of the cycle?  I would call today and ask, but whenever I've gotten ahead of myself on these types of things, I've ended up not needing whatever medication I picked up.

I have enough syringes to get me through Wednesday night.  If I need more, I'm sure Eric would be able to pick them up for me.

Still.  They are on my mind. 

Of course, that's possibly due to the fact that this time around my abdomen has been resistant to the needles.  I've managed to nick a capillary almost every time.  They don't bleed for more than a couple of seconds, but my belly is covered in little bruises.  I'm running out of non-black-and-blue skin to poke into and the waistline of my pants is managing to ride right along the bruise-corridor.

And my poor arm!  I've got a little red mark over the vein.  As much as it hurts a bit to have the blood drawn on the left arm, I think I might ask them to switch tomorrow to give the old right one a break.  I actually jumped a little yesterday when the tech tried to draw blood.  A tiny jump which caused the needle to pull out, so poor Mr. Right Arm got a double jab yesterday.

Up until yesterday I have been going to the gym to channel some of this waiting game anxiety, but that's really an option at this stage of stimulation.  Even though the follicles are small, I can feel them.  Walking around the grocery store yesterday wiped me out.  Perhaps I'll lounge in the hammock while reading or laugh at the dogs as they chase each other around the yard -- anything to take my mind off the process. 

I have no control over the outcome.  I'm following all of my RE's instructions.  Everything else is in his hands.  I have to trust that he's adjusting the meds to allow for the best possible outcome.

And so I wait.