I Am Not A Patient Woman

My day started with a trip to the RE's office in Beverly Hills.  This means waking up by 6:30am and being out the door by 6:45am because you never can be too careful with traffic in the City of Angels.

Normally I'm normally just pouring myself a cup of tea at 7:15, but today I was being probed and pricked all in the hopes of everything looking good so we can move onto the next phase in this in vitro process.  My appointment was actually set for 7:30, but I arrived early and thankfully I didn't have to wait long.  I was in and out in five minutes, but needed to pick up a refill of one of the fertility meds and the pharmacy where I have the prescription didn't open until 8:30am.

So I went to the Roxbury Cafe which is next to the pharmacy to have a bite to eat and kill some time.  Try and I might, I was still done and ready to be on my way by 8:05am.  I decided to take a leisurely stroll around Beverly Hills.  I walked a one mile loop and got to the pharmacy right at 8:30am.

I walked inside and was told they weren't open yet.  I apologized and took a seat as I was told.  A moment later a woman asked my name and my doctor's name.  I gave her all that information and said that I had called for the refill yesterday and was told they would get authorization from the doctor's office.  Apparently that never happened.

Deep breath.

A side conversation between the woman at the counter and the pharmacist.  They decided to refill the prescription for me.  It would be a few minutes.

Phew.

I'm feeling a bit annoyed that the nurse never called to authorize a refill like we discussed on Friday.  At the same time, I'm grateful that the pharmacy is refilling the script so I don't have to come back later in the week or have my husband do the pick up for me.

I drive to work and am pleasantly surprised at the ease of the commute.  Either I'm going completely against the flow of traffic or everyone is on vacation because it is the morning rush hour.

Now, you would think that the ease of the morning would take the edge off my mood, but it doesn't really.  I'm just generally irritated, but I keep reminding myself that it's the hormones.

It's the hormones.

And then someone stopped by my office to ask how I'm doing.  I say fine and they ask "Really?"  I just look at her.  "I just know that you're going through a lot right now."  I say that I'm fine, maybe a bit run down, but fine.  "Good.  Try and get some sleep tonight."

Oh honey.  You just don't get it.  I'm sleeping fine.  Hell, I'm dreaming about pole dancing and how I'm amazing skilled in the art.  I mean, seriously skilled -- I can climb, spin, vamp like nobody's business.  In my dream I would probably make a nice living as an exotic dancer.  My hormones are out of whack and no amount of sleep can fix that or alleviate the exhaustion that comes from just not being balanced.

The hubby said, "We knew this wouldn't be easy" when I told him how I was feeling.  Um...hello?  I don't imagine it's that difficult for you.  I know you're concerned about how I'm feeling and I appreciate your trying to make me feel better, but this is all on my ovaries.  They're asleep, but are they really?  Am I still producing too much estrogen, despite the massive daily injection of Lupron?

I should be working right now.  I have so much on my to do list here, but I can't stop watching the clock.  It's now 3:30pm.  They must have received the results of the blood work by now.  Are my estrogen levels still too high?  Have they dropped enough to start stim shots tonight?  I so want to get on with this! 

I'm tempted to call, but always feel like the nurse is annoyed when I speak to her.  When I called after the last blood test, she had said that she was just about to go over my results with the doctor and she'd call me back in about a half hour.  It was closer to two hours and it killed me -- especially since the results meant we would have to wait at least a week to start the stim shots.

3:33pm.

3:34pm.

I should just call.  Even if I get voice mail, at least it will put me on her radar, right?

Breathe.  I need to remember to breathe.